Women and Attitude

By Bola Babs
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
bola@nigeriahorizon.com

An old adage says, “Efi ni iwa.”  This saying in my tribal language simply and metaphorically categorizes an individual’s character and/or personality as “smoke fumes.” In other words, no matter how much we may try to hide or disguise our personality and/or character, they are more than likely to get the best of us and be displayed like smoke fumes which can neither be covered nor hidden. 

As women, a great attitude and/or personality is an added bonus to the art of beauty in each one of us.  However, there is a trait that women have been stereotyped as having, and is considered a terrible habit. This is the negative staring use of our eyes.  I understand the eyes as a significant addition to our physical appearance.  However, they are also a reflection to our soul, which I consider the epitome of inner beauty.  Consequently, the inappropriate use of the eyes to ridicule others is an infringement on a woman’s body and soul.  

A young child once asked, ‘my teacher told me eyes do not lie. Is that true, Bola?’  Your guess is as good as mine, absolutely, I agree with her teacher’s statement! Permit me to add that you cannot fool a child and similarly, half the time, you cannot fool your eyes because its emotions are not easily controllable.  Through our eye movement, people can judge us and often can tell a lot about us in the way we use them.  Our body expression may be suggesting something else, but the truth in our eyes cannot be easily disguised.  It ought to be noted that our eyes sometimes have a life of their own that only our creator can explain.

It is in bad taste to stare at someone in open scrutiny, but it is in extremely bad taste to roll your eyes and stare at someone in rude scrutiny either out of sheer envy and/or ridicule.  For example, it would be unrealistic to assume that we automatically relate to everyone we come in contact with, but why can’t we all be civil to one another?  Being civil is simply priceless, but some of us women make it a point of duty to use our eyes as a weapon to create an uncomfortable environment for others.  This attitude is unnecessary and it is downright unacceptable.

Although it is all right to appreciate beauty on someone else, but in doing that, the act of modesty and respect should be practiced.  On the one hand, when you appreciate the accessory or specific look someone else has beside yourself, endeavor to give a compliment or smile your approval and look away. By the way, you also have the option of waiting, (time is of the essence) and plan to get yours when the opportunity arises and if you don’t know how to go about it, simply enquire politely and solely with discretion.  What I fail to understand is why some women choose instead to stare at other women with so much envy, and at times in sheer mockery when they conclude another woman does not meet their subjective standard? The last time I enrolled as a bystander in this eye staring marathon, I discovered that my staring long enough at what compliments another woman to the extent of making her uncomfortable does not automatically make what is hers mine, neither does it simultaneously become less flattering on this innocent target just because of a cross-eyed ‘staring’ competition.  This negative attitude simply encourages an atmosphere of discomfort and an unwarranted open criticism for the innocent target.

 Honestly, this is an appalling habit, which further strengthens a lack of self-esteem amongst women.  A woman’s self-confidence strengthens her self-worth and regardless of what she has or doesn’t have as of yet, she should be able to carry herself along. After all, things such as material things are trivial and should not create an obstacle to being the dignified woman God has created us to be, the feminine image and honour of beauty.  We must never forget a woman’s worth is far above rubies.  It is more so in her aura, character and personality.  A great attitude is definitely the altitude.  It is simply irresistible and priceless.  So I suggest we begin to celebrate and embrace each other, rather than separate and/or ridicule one another.  If we do not begin to appreciate ourselves inside out, outside in, no one else will!

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