| Women and the Women in their Lives
By Bola Babs
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
bola@nigeriahorizon.com
September 2008
Every morning I see this total stranger, a young woman carrying a little girl in her arms who looked to be no more than a year old. She walks with her husband to the subway station and walks back again still carrying the little girl in her arms. This time without her hubby of course, judging she has just seen him off, where he takes his transportation every morning. While some of us may immediately utter the word, oh, how adorable! Oh, how cute!
I see the bond, a bond undeniably penetrating. I also see a little girl who though may not understand much of what is happening around her questions why on earth she has to do this every morning. I mean speaking for this little girl, she is not the one married to this man, why disrupt her early morning nap for an everyday walk with daddy? But in this case, our little girl does not have much of a choice. At this stage, it is more or less where mother goes, she goes.
What I am trying to emphasize here is the set pattern right from the get go, decades and generations where women have planted a seed of bond between their daughters and themselves. I beg to differ but sorry guys, at times it is almost a set-up where women create an ally, thus forming a women’s group association right after giving birth to their little girls.
I don’t know about you but as I emerged as a female adult, I found it easier to talk to my mother, because with her there’s nothing hidden under the sun. For example, one moment, my mother is my girl pal and the next she is strictly mom! And every time this happens, my dad fails to understand why I can’t seem to find anything to talk about with him. I believe it is the familiar and common knowledge that with him, there’s no wine and dine. It is more like get straight to the menu. Also, imagine you were the presenter at a meeting before all the executive officers and board of directors of a particular company. What do you think? In this case, you had better get straight to the point and know what the heck you are talking about or vanish into thin air. On the other hand, with mother, you lighten things up a bit. You now create the whole atmosphere of a set-up!
Mothers and daughters often play different roles with one another. They practice the theory which a well-known social scientist observed that “human beings were actors on stage.” In this article, I’d like to narrow down these beings as the mothers who often enjoy been the main actors at different stages of their daughter’s lives. The only cliché is they never follow the writer’s script i.e. their daughters’ well thought out and planned script.
How do you explain a daughter introducing a guy friend to her mother? And the next question mother asks is, “who is he?” Believe it or not, this is after the daughter’s introduction has already included the necessary formalities, like the name of the guy and where he was from? Etc. What other introductions does mother need, I wonder? That question wouldn’t have come up if it had been a female friend, would it? In this instance, the actor (mother) has decided to flip the script on the writer (daughter) yet again and it is obviously heading into a new direction and in most cases an unwritten script, where only the lead actor and writer is involved. Yet again, we see the female bonding developed right from birth, then nurtured and reproduced over and over again with the men excluded, which I jokingly refer to as a “set-up of women association.” Sorry guys, you have been excluded again. It is simply all about the women and the women in their lives – daughters!!!
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