By Ope Olurankinse
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
everydaymatters@nigeriahorizon.com

‘Being single is a lot more fun than being a divorced mother of two.’

That’s what a friend told me at a fundraising event I recently attended. She couldn’t have said it any better. Everywhere, most women in their mid twenties are faced with the pressure of getting married.

At age thirty, while some women think that they have failed because they’re not married and have no kids, some women feel like they have thrown their lives away getting married and having kids before they’re 30.

This is an indication that not all women feel the need of a man to have a truly meaningful life nor are they buying into the independence offered by modern society. Still, it’s a different story for a higher percentage of women.

With the social pressure that comes from parents, peers and other members of the family, many fail to ask themselves why they are getting married and end up marrying for the wrong reasons.

As individuals, we’re born with a desire to give love and be loved. However, love alone is not a good reason to get married. A strong foundation of marriage must include trust, communication, and compatibility. Unfortunately, some people are selfish and do not take in the consideration of the above factors.

Some people get married as an act of rebellion, loneliness, out of obligation, pressure, pregnancy, rebound love, financial gain, and other selfish reasons.  While one or all of these reasons may seem like the best thing, they are certainly not.

Though, no one wants to be lonely. However, getting married to avoid being alone is wrong. A lonely person will remain lonely in a marriage. Such desperation will lead to unhealthy relationships.

It’s way easier for someone on the rebound of love because of the need to be loved. People on the rebound tend to marry the wrong partner. Rebound relationships or marriages can be very hurtful to the other partner who is actually in love with the rebounded.

Pregnancies are on the rise. There are many who feel obligated to get married because they are afraid what might happen if they left. Others marry to avoid being a single parent. Ideally, a child deserves two parents in his/her life; however, a child can also have two loving parents in their life without the parents marrying each other.

Too many individuals are pressured to get married when either most of their friends are married, they are over thirty and unmarried, they’re last in their family to ‘settle down’, they are divorced, or their parents eagerly wants grandkids. Giving in to pressure from friends, family, and society will lead to nothing but disappointments and unhappiness.

Other people marry to escape from their current financial situations. Marrying for financial gain is wrong. Many men and women assume their problems will magically go away once they get married. They won’t.

Growing up, we learn about relationships and marriages by watching our parents, and we end up sinking the messages deep in our mind unconsciously. Marriage is a lifelong commitment and should be taken seriously. We must learn to appreciate and value being single and not rush into marriage because of pressure or for our own selfish reasons.

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