By Ope Olurankinse
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
everydaymatters@nigeriahorizon.com

I am always astonished at the things complete strangers will say to you, even when it comes to matters such as relationships.

When I attend functions, I try to do my best to mix and mingle and of course, make small talk.

Although I learned long ago not to admit that I’ve been single for 2 years because while it’s a great way to start a conversation, it may last the entire evening if you mention it to the wrong person.

Too many people are willing to tell you about their own relationship stories. Good and bad.

They normally lay the blame at the feet of the ‘choosy’ partner – as if it was our fault that they are able to compromise and marry anyone that comes along.

I’m at an age when most of my friends are either married or engaged.

The lucky ones have been able to shape their partners to their own taste while those of us who are still single – after we finally want to settle down – naturally spend a lot of time debating and comparing notes.

Normally this is a safe thing to do, and we all wow and shiver over attributes of each other’s potential partners.

I’ve recently discovered it can be dangerous to tell people about my marital status.

Two weeks ago I was at a party and told this fatherly man I had just met that I’m not waiting for a good man, instead a man that is good for me.

This older man looked at me and said: “Waiting for whom? Oh don’t do that. You won’t find him. You should go with whomever otherwise you might be waiting for a long time.”

Keep in mind this is a man I had never met before.

I have a policy about not giving advice to strangers on how they should live their lives or the consequences of not following it. Obviously, this man does not share the same principle.

I tried not to pay him any mind for his suggestion that I go ahead and date any of my suitors and mold him to my taste.

I pointed out that I don’t need to rush into marriage but rather take my time, and that I also need to be compatible ( though, not enough) with the man I marry, and the fact that I’ll be lucky to survive the relationship for 2 months, if it were not so.

Instead of letting sleeping dogs lie, he went ahead pointing out that only women who are not ready to get married would be so adamant about finding Mr Right.

“So, when can I come for counselling?” I asked him.

His wife, who had sat silently beside him, snorted out loud, and then covered it with a cough.

“I mean, if I were to be getting married to anyone, what days can we come to you for counselling?”

Before he could say anything, I took my male friend by the arm and said “OK, T.J, let’s go get married.”

His wife laughed again against her better judgment and shot him an evil look and then nodded. It’s a good thing they’re already married, because I think he was going to be traumatized for a while.

Being single, pressure tends to shift the focus from finding the right person to just finding somebody. Marrying for the sake of becoming a married man or woman is definitely a bad reason and obviously increases the odds of getting married to someone we really shouldn’t be marrying.

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