By Ope Olurankinse
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
everydaymatters@nigeriahorizon.com

Ever lost a loved one due to another person’s negligence? Ever had your heart broken? Did you also get the advice, “Let it go. Forgive and move on.” Easier said than done, right?

Undeniably, it’s sometimes difficult to forgive someone who has wronged us.  A victim tends to think “ How can I ever forgive someone after hurting me so much.”. However, forgiving the wrongdoer does not mean we have to tolerate what someone has done to us neither does it mean we’re letting him or her off the hook.

It’s about us. We forgive for our own sake. We forgive and let go because we choose to. We set ourselves free by getting past hurt, anger, shame, doubt or guilt. It’s unconditional. No ifs or buts. Forgiveness is necessary for our optimal health.

 Holding on to anger and guilt pushes us, not the people we are angry at. It makes us emotional prisoners, robs us of peace of mind and hampers our growth.

So how can we let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge? The first step is to want to forgive. We must identify the hurt and anger, and also know that we have a right to feel that way. The second is exercising how to consciously stop all thoughts of revenge. The third step is to examine the situations from the wrongdoer’s point of view. What must have caused them to do or say that? Were there other factors involved? Finally, reconcile with the person who hurt us directly. Though, these five steps may take a long time to complete.

No, it’s not an easy task. We must go through the steps of feeling our emotions, deciding to try to forgive the wrongdoer, putting ourselves in the offender’s shoes, and actively extend our forgiveness.

Nobody should demand forgiveness from us. We are to do that when we are ready. It takes time to heal and we have to work through our anger and sense of loss before we are able to forgive.

A couple of weeks after my relationship ended, I called up my ex-fiancé and told him that I had forgiven him. He had hurt me by his actions but I wanted to get past my anger. He asked me, ‘Are you sure?” I right away said, “Yes”.

I actually thought I had forgiven him then but I thought wrong. I realized that I needed more time to bind my wounds. It wasn’t something I could do overnight. But I finally did it.

When we forgive, we create happiness and health for ourselves and allow room for better opportunities to come our way. We open doors for fresh air and light. By forgiving, we move on and begin to see all kinds of roads to places we want to go. Forgiveness is rewarding.

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